Let's Talk About Marriage

Ahhh, jumping the broom. It's not for everyone, but it's manageable if you have the right information. I was completely caught off guard by some of the situations I've encountered in nearly eleven years of holy matrimony and if you're not prepared, you'll be running full speed ahead back to the single life. Fortunately, my husband and I loved each other enough to pull our family together and live happily ever after.

You say you want happily ever after also? Well, I submit to you a list of valuable lessons I've learned throughout the years. Of course, I can't really promise you eternal love, but a few of these tips will save you from unnecessary suffering, guaranteed.

*Be crowned the king/queen of two-timing BEFORE you commit
In other words, it's so much easier to play the field while you're single, instead of getting married and deciding you want to see a whole lot of other people. Seems like this would be easy to figure out, right? Well, apparently it's not. Some people don't realize the big mess they've created until it's way too late and they're unable to come back from it. Can you say: Alimony, monthly child-support payments and a second job to support yourself? Not to mention various sexually transmitted diseases, some fatal.

*Marry someone you are also friends with.
Declare to spend the rest of your life with someone who really likes you as a person, not just as a sexual partner. Sometimes, sex will be nonexistent for short periods of time (pregnancy, illness). If you and your better half like each other, as well as love each other, the foundation that was built on friendship will be more than enough to get you through those rough patches. Besides, being best friends with your spouse makes marriage so much more fun!

*Don't put your spouse on a pedestal
Everyone makes mistakes, so leave room for plenty of them. If you're looking for the perfect spouse and marriage you're probably living in a fantasy world. Simple rules apply in our vows, but we all act a little human sometimes and vows become the hardest thing in the world to stick to. This is to be expected, so try not to come down too hard on your other half for not being a saint at all times and the two of you will be just fine.

*Leave the past in the past
Geez, are you still nagging about all those awful things that happened three years ago. Get over it. No one wants to hear the remix of how much of a jackass they used to be, especially when you all agreed to work it out and things are going great. If you just can't stop bringing it up every five minutes, maybe it's time to seek counseling. Otherwise, concentrate on the good things and push forward.

*Put your spouse and children first
Nothing is going to send you to divorce court faster than in-law drama. I know you want everyone to get along, but understand that you are not responsible for your mother, father or siblings happiness. Your main responsibility is to keep your house in order. If your parents and siblings can't get with the program, be prepared to take a hiatus from them until they have learned to respect you and your mate. If something in them forbids them to do so, stay true to the one who really matters and that should be you. If you truly want a successful marriage, sometimes you have to learn to love from a distance.

*Never disrespect your home
You already know your family hates your husband/wife, so stop going to them and talking behind his or her back whenever you two have an argument. One, it just makes your family loathe your spouse even more and two, your marriage is on the wrong track if you're pouring salt on your significant other. Also, keep your house a home by not having the wrong people coming and going. This is bad for any relationship, married or not. Keep the drama queen/king out of your house, they're only looking to start trouble.

*Keep marital advice from someone who isn't married to a minimum
Realistically, you probably shouldn't take marital advice from someone who has never been married, just like you probably shouldn't take childrearing advice from someone who doesn't have kids. I know it sounds a little harsh, but it makes sense. Would you take flight instruction from someone who has never even had flight training? I wouldn't. In my experience, my unmarried friends have never said anything that could help my marriage. (Sorry guys, I know you tried, but...) Personally, I like to seek advice from older, experienced couples. There is no better way to prepare for marital warfare, than to get guidance from someone who has already been in combat and survived.

*Support your husband or wife's endeavors
Why do you shoot down every idea your sweetie comes up with? Will it really kill you to be supportive for once? No one will exist on a single thought for the rest of their lives. Realize that people grow and with growth comes change. It's understandable your spouse has aspirations outside of going to work and paying bills. Is your opposing attitude holding him back from starting that small business? Are you laughing her away from her dream of becoming an actress? Be supportive of your life companion's dreams because if it works out for them, it will really work out for you.

*Keep passion alive!
She used to wear sexy boy shorts while the two of you were dating, but since you've been married and had two children all she's worn to bed are her gigantic granny bloomers. He used to say something flattering to you everyday, but now he barely notices you. These are common complaints and it can wreak havoc in a marriage. Life is busy and we all get weary from our day-to-day affairs, but just remember to take a little time out to spoil your spouse every once in a while. Let them know that you haven't forgotten about them and you appreciate all of their efforts. Show them that you are still the person they fell in love with even though life can get in the way. Your partner will surely return the favor.

*Communicate often
Talk to your spouse everyday about something other than the kids, the house, and the bills. Even if you don't spend a lot of time in the house together, a cell phone will solve that problem. Be sure to get some time to yourselves; go out on a date every once in a while or just snuggle on the couch and talk about constructive things. In my opinion, communication is the key to a successful marriage. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who won't even talk? Who wants to have a disagreement, but not be able to discuss it intelligently? I'm a huge fan of heated discussions. At least we're communicating; not going in a room, slamming the door and stewing for hours. Let's hash it out, get it over with and make up. And who doesn't like making up? Wink.

Don’t forget to:

*Pray!
Pray everyday for your marriage, your home and children. Prayer can bring reassurance and ease your mind when things go haywire. Do you know what would be even better? Pray together. You already know the saying, "the family that prays together, stays together!"
About the author
Sheila Webster-Heard is a freelance writer and author. She writes about various life experience topics and is also a published poet. http://www.sheilawebster-heard.com

There's a big step from engaged to married. It's not just exchanging rings and wedding vows, it's exchanging one lifestyle for another. Even as an engaged person you had a certain independence that meant you had some space of your own. There was a part of your day or night that you were your own person. In a marriage this more or less disappears completely.

No matter how much freedom you have in your marriage, how flexible the boundaries you still have to remember that there is now someone else that you must keep 100% in your life-loop! If you're going to be late from work, you need to make sure your husband/wife knows. If you aren't going to be home for supper, they need to know. If you aren't going to be able to get the dry cleaning on the way home, and it's needed for the next day, they need to know so they can go get it! This is a major life change. At first it feels as if you are back answering to your parents! You may even rebel against the idea. But think about it for a moment. Your husband/wife always walks through the door at 6.52pm give or take 4 minutes. You have supper waiting on the table. At 7.20pm supper is cold, and they still haven't arrived. 8.25pm when they walk through the door, you're halfway through dialing the number for the local hospital because you're sure something's happened to them. They smile and apologize for being late but they got caught up in a last minute meeting. No thought to the anguish you've been through picturing them hurt or worse! You don't want to be the one feeling this way, and so make sure you don't do the same kind of thing to your beloved! Letting your partner know your schedule is a sign of consideration. Of acknowledging that this other person cares about you and will worry if you are not where you've said you'll be at the time you said you'll be there.

Gone too are the days when you could say Sure, I'll come for pizza tonight! to work colleagues without even thinking about it. First of all you need to call your partner and tell them that this is what you're planning, and making sure that they're ok with it. Yes, I know, too bad if they aren't, but they may have made other plans for the evening that you don't know about and so it is worth checking first!

Consideration for your new husband or wife is the first and most important aspect of your marriage during the early days because it's the thing that's most difficult to adjust too. Is your music too loud? Does your partner want to watch a different channel? Do you take all the blankets in bed? Do you snore? You don't check these things because you benefit, nor as a partner would you usually complain about them, but you do them because you want your marriage to be a partnership with two equal partners. If you argue about something, find common middle ground. There should be no power struggle if both parties respect each other enough to accept that both people are entitled to hold differing viewpoints. Don't back down from confrontation, don't press forward your advantage, be considerate towards each other and negotiate a situation you can both agree to.

In the early weeks and months of marriage, you'll find many things new and sometimes not exactly the way you thought they'd be, but if both parties add consideration to their menu of love, trust and respect, then married life will soon settle down and you'll become accustomed to doing things without resentment or obligation. You'll do them because you want too.

About the author
Looking for information about Dating? Go to: Dating PR - Everything About Dating On The Net is published by Angela Davis - The Complete A to Z Of Dating Resources Check out more Dating articles at: http://www.datingpr.com/

Before making another step in marrying again, are you ready to experience again the consequences of living again with someone?

First, you must review the performance you made in your first marriage. You will ask to yourself, how could I be a better spouse? How come our union ended in divorce? What really went wrong? What weaknesses do I still need to work on? There are many questions remained in your first marriage. So you must able to answer first all unending questions before thinking to marry again.

Second, know what you're really looking for in a partner. Be sure of the character traits you want. Don't force yourself to settle down just because you're lonely and in dire need of a companion. Finally, let time answer your questions. Enjoy your freedom, at least for a moment and give yourself much time in finding your potential mate before you say I do again.

In entering another chapter in your life, second marriage is a very challenging obligation for you. Many different things will about to change in your everyday life when you finally decided in remarrying again. Freedom of you will be lost again. You must be prepared of the new responsibility you will take and how you take it with readiness.

For marrying the second time around, there are lots of things to consider for making it a successful one. There are many situations you must able to fully understand in order to avoid again differences to your new spouse. These are the following:

-EXPECTATIONS FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
In the beginning of the second marriage, problems will not occur instantly. As to a new couple, you are savouring your new found love. However, too many expectations may arise when one is to demanding to the other. This can be fixed if you can tell what your limitations are and what you can only do.

-REALISTIC APPROACH OF LOVE
This can be the best thing ever happened to the second marriage. Love must blossom unconditionally with respect. Give and take-this is for the equal releasing of feelings.

-POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK IN LIFE
It may not be perfect at all, but happy in what you have. Do not force yourself in giving just to ensure the happiness on your spouse. You must be contended of the abilities and capabilities of your partner. Encourage your partner in giving his/her best in any other way.

-COMMUNICATING ABOUT FEELINGS
You must be open to what you really feel. Have the time to talk. This can help in keeping the flame alive. Listen to your partner. In listening you get what he/she wants to relate.

-UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING DIFFERENCES
You may not be able to do everything, it's doesn't cost you to any problem. Understanding and accepting weaknesses are part of marriage. Humans are not perfect, so they intend to make wrong actions. You must respect the little things he/she made.

-MAKING DECISIONS AND SETTLING ARGUMENTS
These kinds of situations are very crucial. It can make or brake. In making decisions you must tell what you're thinking. Possibly, accept your partner's opinion. Settle your arguments in due time. Arguments are really mind busters. This may create gaps in the relationship.

-COMMON SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION AND GOAL
It may be good if both of you believe in the same religion doctrine. It can avoid debates on what are the right beliefs. A dream of a perfect family is one common goal. This can be done if both are very cooperative and serious. It can be a good foundation in the years to come. This can be the guiding force of making a successful relationship.

-COMBINING A FAMILY
What if your new spouse has a child or children in his/her previous marriage? You must know at least step-parenting skills. You are dealing emotions of their new environment. Be a good at them as they are also important to your spouse's life. Accept them as you accepted your partner. Make them also one of your main priorities.

In committing your life again to someone, make it sure that you are really serious and prepared. Sacrifice and true love must be your agenda as for marriage it's not taken for granted. So to speak, may your second marriage be a successful and fruitful one.

Best wishes and good luck.

About the author
You Can Save Your Marriage And Secure For Yourself And Your Spouse A Great Future That Can Be Enjoyed Forever! Visit http://www.salvagemarriage.com for more details! Active hyperlink must remain to use this article.